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Entry Category: Uncategorized
Published On: 11-30-2007 21:33 PM
Well, it's that time again. I can't do anything to stop it. Christmas, with all the rampant commercialism we place on it, is here yet again. Every year I feel like it is too early. Don't get me wrong: Christmas was once my favorite holiday, and I still hope to recapture some of the warmth of the season. There is much that I love about it. But I try every year to make the Christmas season a simpler time for myself and my family, but I always fail. I want to focus on Christ, but He usually gets my leftovers.
Christmas is complicated. Life is complicated. We all have so many blessings, and I thank God for that. But I'm tired. So tired. And the prospect of a rushed and crazy holiday season does not fill my heart with joy. I'm not like Ebeneezer Scrooge who hated Christmas. I'm afraid I'm just too tired to put on a good show this year. I don't want to cook. I don't want to shop. I don't mind a few decorations, but I don't want many. But, this year as with every year, "Christmas" as I have made it will take on a life of its own and will spiral out of control.
Linus said to Charlie Brown, "You're the only person who could take a wonderful season like Christmas and make it into a problem. Of all the Charlie Brown's in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest." Sometimes I feel like Charlie Brown, and I just wish that love and friendship would illuminate a small corner of my world with something I might actually look forward to.
One bright note is that my kids are very excited about Christmas. Apparently there is some "elf" that does crazy things around people's houses. My girls can't stop talking about it. Our elf should be arriving in a few days, thank goodness. I've never heard of this before this year, but maybe it will be fun.
I don't mean to be glum. I'll probably get the Christmas spirit around 3:30 on December 19, when I can leave work and begin the 2 weeks of Christmas holidays. Two weeks away from work. Two weeks. I cannot even fathom it. Work has been like the Twilight Zone this year. 3 principals in 4 months. My new principal---very tough, but I like and respect her. Ridiculous bomb threats, sometimes twice a week. Having to evacuate the school, then walking back. Trying to be everything to 435 kids, only to find out that some of these kids I love think I only care about the top 3 students in the senior class. I don't like those 3 more, they're just always in my office seeking my help in getting scholarships. I told the others to come by my office more and hopefully they wouldn't feel that way any longer. Of course, these were girls who felt that way...two of my favorite girls at that! Of course we're not supposed to have favorites, but these two girls have helped me do a lot of work, and I always thought I favored them! Go figure!
Well, as I sit here, kind of mopey, I hear my 3 children singing "Deck the Halls" in the other room. Very sweet. I'll go put my "Christmas face" on and start going through some of the annual motions. I do hope and pray that my holiday blues don't last too long this year. Ever since my mother passed away, I have not made it from Thanksgiving through New Years without some significant sorrow. I know a lot of people have similar issues. I hope all of you have a lot of Christmas joy.
Published On: 11-30-2007 21:33 PM
Well, it's that time again. I can't do anything to stop it. Christmas, with all the rampant commercialism we place on it, is here yet again. Every year I feel like it is too early. Don't get me wrong: Christmas was once my favorite holiday, and I still hope to recapture some of the warmth of the season. There is much that I love about it. But I try every year to make the Christmas season a simpler time for myself and my family, but I always fail. I want to focus on Christ, but He usually gets my leftovers.
Christmas is complicated. Life is complicated. We all have so many blessings, and I thank God for that. But I'm tired. So tired. And the prospect of a rushed and crazy holiday season does not fill my heart with joy. I'm not like Ebeneezer Scrooge who hated Christmas. I'm afraid I'm just too tired to put on a good show this year. I don't want to cook. I don't want to shop. I don't mind a few decorations, but I don't want many. But, this year as with every year, "Christmas" as I have made it will take on a life of its own and will spiral out of control.
Linus said to Charlie Brown, "You're the only person who could take a wonderful season like Christmas and make it into a problem. Of all the Charlie Brown's in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest." Sometimes I feel like Charlie Brown, and I just wish that love and friendship would illuminate a small corner of my world with something I might actually look forward to.
One bright note is that my kids are very excited about Christmas. Apparently there is some "elf" that does crazy things around people's houses. My girls can't stop talking about it. Our elf should be arriving in a few days, thank goodness. I've never heard of this before this year, but maybe it will be fun.
I don't mean to be glum. I'll probably get the Christmas spirit around 3:30 on December 19, when I can leave work and begin the 2 weeks of Christmas holidays. Two weeks away from work. Two weeks. I cannot even fathom it. Work has been like the Twilight Zone this year. 3 principals in 4 months. My new principal---very tough, but I like and respect her. Ridiculous bomb threats, sometimes twice a week. Having to evacuate the school, then walking back. Trying to be everything to 435 kids, only to find out that some of these kids I love think I only care about the top 3 students in the senior class. I don't like those 3 more, they're just always in my office seeking my help in getting scholarships. I told the others to come by my office more and hopefully they wouldn't feel that way any longer. Of course, these were girls who felt that way...two of my favorite girls at that! Of course we're not supposed to have favorites, but these two girls have helped me do a lot of work, and I always thought I favored them! Go figure!
Well, as I sit here, kind of mopey, I hear my 3 children singing "Deck the Halls" in the other room. Very sweet. I'll go put my "Christmas face" on and start going through some of the annual motions. I do hope and pray that my holiday blues don't last too long this year. Ever since my mother passed away, I have not made it from Thanksgiving through New Years without some significant sorrow. I know a lot of people have similar issues. I hope all of you have a lot of Christmas joy.
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Entry Category: Uncategorized
Published On: 10-10-2007 00:12 AM
I've written before about my headaches and how I can't get away from them. I am in agony as I write this. My forehead, my neck, and my temples are just throbbing. This needs to stop. I just don't know what to do about it. I'd appreciate any prayers you could send my way.
Published On: 10-10-2007 00:12 AM
I've written before about my headaches and how I can't get away from them. I am in agony as I write this. My forehead, my neck, and my temples are just throbbing. This needs to stop. I just don't know what to do about it. I'd appreciate any prayers you could send my way.
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Entry Category: Uncategorized
Published On: 10-06-2007 09:46 AM
A year and a half ago, I climbed six flights of stairs in a sterile communist government building in China and met the love of my life. I was distracted from meeting this man---this little man, my new son---because I had just found out that a good friend and coworker had gotten into some major trouble with the law. I was actually more worried about him than about the imminent meeting with my son. When I walked in the courtroom, however, I saw the little boy who would become the love of my life (with apologies to my husband). He was wearing about 6 layers of mismatched clothes and playing with a ball that I had sent him a few months prior. He wouldn't have anything to do with me for a while, but I just sat back and watched him. He would tease me and then look away. Then his caregiver left, the woman who had taken care of him for the first part of his life. He was bereft. He cried huge crocodile tears. My heart broke for him. Then a little miracle happened: when I reached down to comfort him, he let me. He still cried for his nanny, but he let me console him. I knew then that it was all going to be okay.
I've been really busy with my job lately, and my family has kind of gotten the short end of the stick. So has Jesus (the true greatest love of my life), but that is another journal entry. A couple of days ago, I realized that my son was about to turn 4. We threw a quick birthday party together. All my boy really wants is a Spiderman cake. I'll pick that up in a little while, and my boy's birthday will be a hit. He wants to wear his Spiderman costume for his little party. He wears his Spiderman costume EVERY DAY for a while after school! He sweeps through the house, rescuing his sisters from imagined danger. He always pauses to run give Mommy a few kisses, and then he's back off to save the world.
I love my daughters. They are beautiful, sweet, and complicated. I know that these simple days with my boy are limited. His life will get complicated too. But, right now, as I listen to Spiderman run wild through my house, I'm just so humbled and grateful to God for this wonderful boy. Happy birthday, Spiderman. Mommy loves you!
Published On: 10-06-2007 09:46 AM
A year and a half ago, I climbed six flights of stairs in a sterile communist government building in China and met the love of my life. I was distracted from meeting this man---this little man, my new son---because I had just found out that a good friend and coworker had gotten into some major trouble with the law. I was actually more worried about him than about the imminent meeting with my son. When I walked in the courtroom, however, I saw the little boy who would become the love of my life (with apologies to my husband). He was wearing about 6 layers of mismatched clothes and playing with a ball that I had sent him a few months prior. He wouldn't have anything to do with me for a while, but I just sat back and watched him. He would tease me and then look away. Then his caregiver left, the woman who had taken care of him for the first part of his life. He was bereft. He cried huge crocodile tears. My heart broke for him. Then a little miracle happened: when I reached down to comfort him, he let me. He still cried for his nanny, but he let me console him. I knew then that it was all going to be okay.
I've been really busy with my job lately, and my family has kind of gotten the short end of the stick. So has Jesus (the true greatest love of my life), but that is another journal entry. A couple of days ago, I realized that my son was about to turn 4. We threw a quick birthday party together. All my boy really wants is a Spiderman cake. I'll pick that up in a little while, and my boy's birthday will be a hit. He wants to wear his Spiderman costume for his little party. He wears his Spiderman costume EVERY DAY for a while after school! He sweeps through the house, rescuing his sisters from imagined danger. He always pauses to run give Mommy a few kisses, and then he's back off to save the world.
I love my daughters. They are beautiful, sweet, and complicated. I know that these simple days with my boy are limited. His life will get complicated too. But, right now, as I listen to Spiderman run wild through my house, I'm just so humbled and grateful to God for this wonderful boy. Happy birthday, Spiderman. Mommy loves you!
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Entry Category: Uncategorized
Published On: 09-22-2007 09:46 AM
As a Christian, I know we don't make deals with God. He is the One in charge. I believe He hears our prayers and cares about our heartaches, but we don't get to call the shots. I realized a couple of days ago that, somehow in my mind, I had concocted an unspoken "deal with God."
7 years ago, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. 6 years ago, she died. She was only 54. Somehow in my mind, I twisted some things because of this. I was like, "Okay, God, I lost my mom while she was too young. Surely, surely the rest of our parents will get extra-long lives because of this." Stupid, I know, and completely unbiblical. But the unrealized thought was there.
A few days ago, my beloved father-in-law, "Papa" to all of us, blacked out in his pasture. A stubborn man, I'm surprised he went to the hospital. I'm even more surprised that he agreed to stay in the hospital that night (thank you, Dr. Curtis) and that he agreed to go to Princeton the next morning (thank you, Dr. Chu). He did win out about the ambulance ride, so my mother-in-law drove him. It hit us very hard when they told him at Princeton, "You are very lucky you woke up." We could have lost him. We really could have lost him. That reality is still unbelievable to me.
Praise God, we did not lose him. He had open-heart surgery (double bypass) and is doing well. He should be home by Monday. But I realized that my "unspoken deal with God" was not reality. My dad and stepmom and my husband's parents may NOT live to be very, very old. For that matter, I might not either. Or my husband. Or, God forbid, one of my children or nieces or nephews. We are not promised tomorrow. Somehow, because of my mom's death, I felt like my kids' other grandparents were promised tomorrow. Wrong assumption.
I thank and praise God that my father-in-law made it and is going to be okay. I just hope he doesn't try to watch the Alabama and Georgia game (LOL!)---too much stress on a strained heart, and he is getting out of ICU today!
God really woke me up about my stupid, unrealistic "deal" with Him. But then He reminded me of the true "deal" we have: those of us who believe in His Son will have eternal life. This situation opened the door for me to have a very good discussion about Christ with my stepmom for the first time. That was a blessing. I now know where she's going.
I never had that discussion with my beloved grandfather who died about 2 years ago. Oh, he was a very active member of his church, but his denomination and generation did not speak as openly about faith. I hope and believe he's in heaven, but that is not the same as my knowledge about my mother. She told me, in no uncertain terms, that Jesus Christ was her Savior and she knew He would take her home.
Have you had that hard discussion with someone you love? When Mama was diagnosed with lung cancer, it was the first thing I asked her. Then again, I was with her then night she was saved, so I already knew the answer.
Salvation is simple. Do you believe that Jesus Christ is God's only Son, His promised Messiah, that He died on the Cross to atone for the sins of the entire world (including your sins), and that He arose from the dead? Do you believe He is THE Way, the Truth, and the Life? Even if you've gone to church for 80 years, have you ever asked Him to forgive your sins, save your soul, and be your Lord? If not, I urge you to do so. He loves you so much. He loves us all so much. Blessed be His name.
Published On: 09-22-2007 09:46 AM
As a Christian, I know we don't make deals with God. He is the One in charge. I believe He hears our prayers and cares about our heartaches, but we don't get to call the shots. I realized a couple of days ago that, somehow in my mind, I had concocted an unspoken "deal with God."
7 years ago, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. 6 years ago, she died. She was only 54. Somehow in my mind, I twisted some things because of this. I was like, "Okay, God, I lost my mom while she was too young. Surely, surely the rest of our parents will get extra-long lives because of this." Stupid, I know, and completely unbiblical. But the unrealized thought was there.
A few days ago, my beloved father-in-law, "Papa" to all of us, blacked out in his pasture. A stubborn man, I'm surprised he went to the hospital. I'm even more surprised that he agreed to stay in the hospital that night (thank you, Dr. Curtis) and that he agreed to go to Princeton the next morning (thank you, Dr. Chu). He did win out about the ambulance ride, so my mother-in-law drove him. It hit us very hard when they told him at Princeton, "You are very lucky you woke up." We could have lost him. We really could have lost him. That reality is still unbelievable to me.
Praise God, we did not lose him. He had open-heart surgery (double bypass) and is doing well. He should be home by Monday. But I realized that my "unspoken deal with God" was not reality. My dad and stepmom and my husband's parents may NOT live to be very, very old. For that matter, I might not either. Or my husband. Or, God forbid, one of my children or nieces or nephews. We are not promised tomorrow. Somehow, because of my mom's death, I felt like my kids' other grandparents were promised tomorrow. Wrong assumption.
I thank and praise God that my father-in-law made it and is going to be okay. I just hope he doesn't try to watch the Alabama and Georgia game (LOL!)---too much stress on a strained heart, and he is getting out of ICU today!
God really woke me up about my stupid, unrealistic "deal" with Him. But then He reminded me of the true "deal" we have: those of us who believe in His Son will have eternal life. This situation opened the door for me to have a very good discussion about Christ with my stepmom for the first time. That was a blessing. I now know where she's going.
I never had that discussion with my beloved grandfather who died about 2 years ago. Oh, he was a very active member of his church, but his denomination and generation did not speak as openly about faith. I hope and believe he's in heaven, but that is not the same as my knowledge about my mother. She told me, in no uncertain terms, that Jesus Christ was her Savior and she knew He would take her home.
Have you had that hard discussion with someone you love? When Mama was diagnosed with lung cancer, it was the first thing I asked her. Then again, I was with her then night she was saved, so I already knew the answer.
Salvation is simple. Do you believe that Jesus Christ is God's only Son, His promised Messiah, that He died on the Cross to atone for the sins of the entire world (including your sins), and that He arose from the dead? Do you believe He is THE Way, the Truth, and the Life? Even if you've gone to church for 80 years, have you ever asked Him to forgive your sins, save your soul, and be your Lord? If not, I urge you to do so. He loves you so much. He loves us all so much. Blessed be His name.
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Entry Category: Uncategorized
Published On: 09-15-2007 13:30 PM
Hello to all my friends! It has been a long time since I've talked to many of your through D'live. Debby, Exbamagirl, Kagan, Slickwilly, Annabelle, Faith, Roo, Shells, Demopolite, etc. That's not an exclusive list--it is just one that popped into my head. I miss lots of other folks too. I could probably type about 50 names. Anyway, I've been hugely busy with my new job as counselor at Greene County High. Next week is the first time I will participate in the administration of the graduation exam. After that, I think (hope, pray) that things will settle down some and I can stop working on the weekends.
I love, love, love my job. As sad and depressed as I was when I lost my job last May (my very boring job), I now realize that God had something else in store. I don't know how long I'll be at GCHS: a year, two years, ten, etc. I'd like to stay throughout my career. We'll just see what the Lord has in mind. I must say that, from a professional standpoint, I have learned more in the past 2 months than in the previous 15 years about my profession and that this is the first time in my career that I actually feel deeply fulfilled. I am also deeply exhausted. God has given me a boss who was a counselor for 8 years. He is invaluable. He has given me one of the most Godly friends/colleagues/supervisors I have ever known at our central office. The other people at the central office are awesome too, including our superintendent, who will not settle for anything short of excellence. The faculty at my school amaze me daily. They teach with all their hearts. The parents and community of Eutaw have embraced me more than I ever expected. Best of all, I love the kids. They are great. I am truly blessed. I am also blessed with a very helpful husband and three great kids. My children have fabulous teachers and schools. Other than desperately needing someone to clean my house and cook daily, things are going great. We may even have found the church we were seeking, although there are a couple of others we still feel lead to check out.
Things aren't perfect...I have yet to begin my online coursework, and I'm frantic about that. I am still having significant headaches, and work stress doesn't help that. But, since my last blog was entitled "Gloom, despair, and agony on me," I felt I should go on record and say that I am feeling much better and more optimistic. I thank all of you who have supported me with your prayers.
Well, I'm off to work this Saturday afternoon. Hubby works Sat. mornings at Dr. Tropeano's "Black and Blue" clinic. If any of your boys get hurt playing football on Friday night, be sure to have them stop by Dr. Tony's clinic. He'll get them fixed up.
Oh, one last update. I was on a jury this week. It was my first time and a very educational experience. I was foreman and it was my duty to deliver the verdict. Although I was happy for the man who won, I was sad for the one who lost. The law is a very complicated business. I thank God that I never went to law school, and I admire all you folks (Leagle, Bamalaw, Demopolite, RonB, etc.) who actually work in the profession. It is a tough business.
Anyway, happy thoughts, God bless, and Roll Tide!
Published On: 09-15-2007 13:30 PM
Hello to all my friends! It has been a long time since I've talked to many of your through D'live. Debby, Exbamagirl, Kagan, Slickwilly, Annabelle, Faith, Roo, Shells, Demopolite, etc. That's not an exclusive list--it is just one that popped into my head. I miss lots of other folks too. I could probably type about 50 names. Anyway, I've been hugely busy with my new job as counselor at Greene County High. Next week is the first time I will participate in the administration of the graduation exam. After that, I think (hope, pray) that things will settle down some and I can stop working on the weekends.
I love, love, love my job. As sad and depressed as I was when I lost my job last May (my very boring job), I now realize that God had something else in store. I don't know how long I'll be at GCHS: a year, two years, ten, etc. I'd like to stay throughout my career. We'll just see what the Lord has in mind. I must say that, from a professional standpoint, I have learned more in the past 2 months than in the previous 15 years about my profession and that this is the first time in my career that I actually feel deeply fulfilled. I am also deeply exhausted. God has given me a boss who was a counselor for 8 years. He is invaluable. He has given me one of the most Godly friends/colleagues/supervisors I have ever known at our central office. The other people at the central office are awesome too, including our superintendent, who will not settle for anything short of excellence. The faculty at my school amaze me daily. They teach with all their hearts. The parents and community of Eutaw have embraced me more than I ever expected. Best of all, I love the kids. They are great. I am truly blessed. I am also blessed with a very helpful husband and three great kids. My children have fabulous teachers and schools. Other than desperately needing someone to clean my house and cook daily, things are going great. We may even have found the church we were seeking, although there are a couple of others we still feel lead to check out.
Things aren't perfect...I have yet to begin my online coursework, and I'm frantic about that. I am still having significant headaches, and work stress doesn't help that. But, since my last blog was entitled "Gloom, despair, and agony on me," I felt I should go on record and say that I am feeling much better and more optimistic. I thank all of you who have supported me with your prayers.
Well, I'm off to work this Saturday afternoon. Hubby works Sat. mornings at Dr. Tropeano's "Black and Blue" clinic. If any of your boys get hurt playing football on Friday night, be sure to have them stop by Dr. Tony's clinic. He'll get them fixed up.
Oh, one last update. I was on a jury this week. It was my first time and a very educational experience. I was foreman and it was my duty to deliver the verdict. Although I was happy for the man who won, I was sad for the one who lost. The law is a very complicated business. I thank God that I never went to law school, and I admire all you folks (Leagle, Bamalaw, Demopolite, RonB, etc.) who actually work in the profession. It is a tough business.
Anyway, happy thoughts, God bless, and Roll Tide!
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